Dear Future Wife



I don’t know if you are ever going to read this blog entry but still here I am sitting at the edge of my bed while humping my fingers on this old detritus keyboard, hoping you would… someday.

I am not a perfect person. In fact, I am shoddier than you think. I am not a fun filled Saturday night or a chilly Sunday sunset. I am a Wednesday 2 am. I am gunshots muffled in pillows. I am that torn rug in January which always fell short at the ankles. Leaving your feet naked and cold. My moods crack on a nightly basis and I am always hemmed in this awkward sadness which seems to be longer than a 21st December night. Often now and every then it collides my approval of having people around me. Because more than often I feel I don’t belong to conversations, that I belong to the full stop at the end of every sentence. There is this light and darkness mixed under my skin that now has become a storm which is brewing inside me. You don't see the lightning but often you can hear the echoes of thunder.

So basically, yeah I am crazy. Go save yourself and RUN. 
Run till you reach the shore.



PS: If you haven’t run away till now and you are still reading then I guess- I will make myself sleep on the couch tonight. No need to throw stuffs at me.

 Obediently Yours !



There and back again ....



There and back again ..... As the half burnt cigarette in my fingers is turning hopes and dreams into ashes, I am trying my way best not to turn cold to my feelings at this midnight epoch.

“You need a break.”

That’s what I told myself when I decided to go on a trip to Lahaul-Spiti. Okay let me just fast forward in 8x speed so I can reach up to the main part.

Enter the valley of Lahaul-Spiti and you won’t find any welcoming lush green alpine vegetation or a soothing road ride. No. It was a stimulating bungee jumping ride all along the way where my emotions were playing seesaw between ecstatic excitement and anxiety, bordering at times on panic and craziness. I am not kidding. At times on the hair-pin turns of the road when I could feel the adrenaline rush on my finger-tips and cheeks because of the depth I could see from the window, I thought to myself, this is it, time to die, it’s been a pleasure world; oh and please tell my parents I love them. Not that I showed, I was in any discomfort of course, this was an all-male establishment, any girly screech noises were strictly forbidden.
But somehow the caravan kept on going. As it always!

Staring at contours of a far more complex nature, while clicking mental pictures of endless layers of powdery maroon and glowing ochre slopes loomed in the distance, with the beautiful River Chandra drawing patterns in the lap of an ever-widening basin! The road and the mood was ON. With its steep jungle clad hill sides, gargantuan, sheer rock faces and a great company of six hobbits, the experience in all made me feel incredibly relaxed and glad to be far away from the hee-haw madness and chaos of the city.
It’s really a fascination for me to think how these roads were build. The workers must have one of the most difficult, dangerous and least desirable jobs in the world, especially at higher altitudes where the temperature drops to below freezing.  I hope they got paid well, although I suspect they did not. Life is unfortunately very cheap in India.

Past the few and far between milestones of Rohtang, Gramphu and Chhatru lies the wind-swept Batal. Our first night stay.

I imagine it’s the sort of place where Satan’s staff stay when travelling between hell and purgatory. My heart did drop a little when I first glimpsed our small, dark, smelly windowless room with no solid cover on top. The quilts were dirty like they haven’t been washed since their “invention”. The mattress on which we were supposed to sleep had sand particles sprinkled on it. In short, it just felt like I am back in my room in Gurgaon except the fuckin freezing cold part. But to my surprise none of the damsels uttered any anguish or the sad smiley towards the condition of that room.

It was a very uncomfortable night. None of us could sleep well. The time literally froze in that room with us. And I can’t remember the last time, when I so impatiently waited for the morning. Turning sides in every two seconds. Kicking the person who’s sharing quilt with me. Asking for water. Not getting any response. Searching for water bottle in dark with naked hands. Stumbling on a dog who had managed to crawl inside during night. Taking him back to my side. Sleeping with that dog.
Hell of a night. We all got to know each other a little more now. I learned a lot of things about my company and they learned that I snore like a bear.

The next morning finally came with the promise that the worst is behind us. This is as bad as it can get.

From Batal to Chandertal lake to Kaza (World’s highest retail outlet) to Key Monastery and to Kibber (World’s highest motorable village) …. the time flew by, our level of ecstasy and eyebrows increasing exponentially on each sight and on the last day it snowed. I couldn’t have asked for any better ending except if any girl would’ve fallen in love with me. Well that didn’t happen but all in all it was an awesome trip.

Among many great things about this country side, one particular thing that clicked me is the way these hilly people live. In quiet, peace and comfortably slow life. After 7pm you won’t find a single shop open. The lights are out by 830pm and the whole town is in deep slumber by 9pm. During daytime, in the streets you can always find two people chit chatting little things while by passing each other. I am pretty sure they all know each other. And that ever welcoming glowing smile on their faces (especially monks), it just makes you wonder if, we the city people with metro speed life, cars, grandeur malls and buildings have got it all wrong. 
I really wonder.….. 


The Complicated Relationship



If it’s not the most taboo subject in the modern India, it is most certainly frowned upon and considered as an utterly uncomfortable and useless topic to talk about. So for the sake of creating a new fuss and bombarding my boredness with a fresh set of puns, here goes my yet another irrelevant and censored blog post about:

Problems men have from ‘untimely erections’ or as you might have heard ‘man wood’ or ‘involuntary standing ovation’ by your honour Mr. John Pee-Pee.

Now the way we go about sex education in this country is appalling. I mean, until about I was 13, I was convinced that my ‘garden of good and evil’ (balls) is used to store pee. You can imagine what kind of other impending issues I might have with Mr Pee-Pee.

I mean, this has to be the most complicated relationship a guy will ever have. You might have heard them saying …. “oh… I have a very “complicated” relationship with her/him”. Well obviously, they haven’t tried peeing with an erection.

Talking about sex education and women always yelping about their period problems, well I surveyed 100 women and asked them what kind of problems they face while peeing and you won’t eberrr believe, 98 of them said: "How the hell did you get in here?"

Anyways let’s keep this discussion about men problems only.

So what’s with it showing ‘up’ for work, without invitation, every-single-morning when you wake up, huh! I mean you haven’t activated any launch sequence and yet the rocket is ready to burst into flames trying to come out of the ‘Pajama-Hemisphere’. And I think I don’t even need to tell you how awkward and un-comfortable it is to hold on to your thing for 5 minutes (or more) on the bed, before you can take a piss, doing all kinds of breathing exercise to get the blood flow out of it.

I tell you, this one time, the bad-ass-stubborn I am, I tried to pee regardless of how colossus this Goliath-Python was looking ‘above’ from the ginormous hippie bush I have supported, at me angrily ‘all-red’. But I showed him no mercy, I went into the bathroom, stood above the iron throne, looked down and I peed so freakin hard. But, as you might imagine, evidently, that upward-parabolic-stream short-circuited the bulb hanging above in the bathroom. Go figure.

So next time if you're having trouble making the ‘wee-wacky’ because of the ‘woo-hoo’, just stay put and admire this behemoth creature and give him his due respect, that he obviously so desperately craves for.

*rolls eyes*
Aghhh !


PS: If tying a Nimbu Mirchi helps ward off evil. I think men should never have to suffer from any evil. I am jusst saying.


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